


flu season

by oceansgrey



Category: Naruto
Genre: Sick Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 02:33:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17654387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceansgrey/pseuds/oceansgrey
Summary: Sometimes, Sasori is glad that he exchanged his real body for a puppet one.Especially when the whole team is sick.





	flu season

Of course, it all began with Sasori’s brat of a partner.

The past few days spent travelling back to the Amegakure base had gone as usual, with Sasori having to deter Deidara from trying to blow up random abandoned building he viewed as they passed and keeping the teen out of trouble. He had been sneezing frequently, something Sasori assumed had to do with the cold temperature irritating his partner. It was the colder part of winter, and Sasori was glad that his puppet body could not feel the bitter chill.

“Sasori, my man,” Deidara sniffled, sounding miserable. “I think I’m getting sick,”

Of course he was.

“Rest up, and stay clear from everyone,” Sasori warned. “Kakuzu will skin you alive if you get him sick,”

 

He had never expected running to grab supplies would take two full days, but upon Sasori’s return to the hideout, he was welcomed by a room full of sick, S-rank missing nin.

“You brat,” Sasori glared at Deidara. “I told you to stay away from everyone,”

“It’s flu season in the village,” Konan said slowly. She looked the best out of the bunch, curled up within her cloak as she leaned against their leader. “Medics are too busy with the children,”

Sasori scanned the room before him.

“You’re lucky, my man,” Deidara whined. “I feel like shit right now, hm,”

“You’re not the only one, dipshit,” Hidan croaked, interrupted by a sneeze. “We all feel like shit,”

A quick look to the opposite couch, where Kisame and Itachi were, confirmed that yes, all members of the Akatsuki, with the exception of Zetsu and himself, were sick. The Uchiha blinked slowly from the pile of blankets his partner had no doubt wrapped him in, looking like the epitome of misery. Kisame was coughing into his arm, looking two seconds from passing out. Pein was unmoving next to Konan, and Deidara was leaning onto her, face flushed from his cold. Kakuzu looked like his usual grumpy old self, listening to Hidan moan and groan about how he felt like this was some sort of punishment from Lord Jashin for not sacrificing enough souls.

“Sasori,” Konan asked, drawing his attention. “Come with me,”

She detached herself from Deidara, helping him lie down next to Pein as he whined about his nausea. Sasori noted that she looked exhausted, bags under her eyes from no doubt helping the others. Her movements, usually full of grace that rivaled a dancer, were now sluggish as she led him into their kitchen.

He made quick work of putting away the groceries he had picked up, watching her from the corner of his eye. She quietly put a kettle full of water on, taking a seat at the table as they waited for the water to boil.

“I’m feeling worse as the day goes on,” she said. “I do not trust Zetsu, nor do I trust Tobi. I’m asking you to keep an eye on everyone and help them. I know you can’t get sick, with your puppet body. Deidara filled me in on that,”

“Of course,” Sasori said, pulling out the teacups. “But only since you asked. Let me go whip something up,”

 

_“Granny, it hurts,” Sasori sobbed, feeling the cold hand of his grandmother on his forehead. His temperature was hotter than the sand surrounding the village, and he had been unable to eat anything solid for the past two days. The usual sickness that passed from child to child had gotten him while his parents were away, leaving the best medic Suna had to watch over her adorable grandson._

_“I know, dear,” Granny Chiyo said, moving her hand to his cheek. “Let me make you something to take, and it should help,”_

_Sasori sniffled, his throat aching as if he has swallowed barbed wire._

_“Thank you, Granny,”_

_“I love you, Sasori,”_

_“I love you, too,”_

 

Sasori already regretted accepting Konan’s request.

“You made the tea too weak,” Itachi said, mouth set in a deep frown as he clutched the warm cup of tea. “But it will suffice,”

Rude brat.

“Thank you, Sasori,” Kisame said, forcing himself to stand. “I’m going to go lay down in bed,”

The swordsman stumbled down the hall slowly as he made his way to his room, the distant sound of his coughing ringing through the hideout.

Itachi coughed, pulling one of the many blankets over him so that only his face and one hand poked out.

“Deidara was calling for you,” he said, deep within his blanket nest, taking another sip of his tea. “You might want to go, before he accidentally blows something up,”

 

“I’m gonna kill your partner,” Kakuzu grumbled, moving past Sasori. “I’m not that sick, and I’m fully capable of taking care of myself,”

“Bullshit, you old fuck. You were just complaining about your chest hurting,” Hidan called from his bed, eyeing the medicine Sasori held in his hand.  “Oh, fuck no. I don’t put anything in my body that Lord Jashin would not approve of,”

Sasori rolled his eyes, handing the small cup out towards Kakuzu.

“Fine then,” Sasori said. It wasn’t like he had spent the past twenty minutes holed up in his workshop, mixing herbs together for his teammates just so that they could be rude about it. “Suffer,”

Thankfully, Hidan had a sore and swollen throat, which made speaking a bit difficult.

“I wish you were my partner instead of him,” Kakuzu mumbled. Sasori left the room, leaving the two. “You should have just taken the medicine,”

“Fuck no,”

“This is why you should eat some vegetables every once in a while,”

“Quit sounding like you’re my fucking mom or some shit,” Hidan rolled over onto his stomach, the sharp pain from his throat making it difficult to swallow. “Shitty old man,”

“You little punk,” Kakuzu mumbled, grabbing one of his books and a box of tissues. “I’ll be in the living room. Leave me alone, and don’t bug me,”

Hopefully, he’d choke in a pool of his own vomit. Then, he might get a partner who was actually competent enough to take medicine when sick.

 

The door to Konan’s room was always left open, which gave her the peace of mind that if anyone needed her, they could have easy access. She had pressed herself up against Nagato’s back, slowly running her hand through his bright red hair as she felt his chest shake with each cough that wracked his body.

“I’m sorry, Konan,” he said. “I know you’re feeling sick, as well,”

“I’m not that bad,” she lied. “I just want you to feel better,”

Nagato let out a sigh of content, relaxing under the warm blanket Konan had placed on him and her soothing touch.

“I made something for your cold,” Sasori announced from the doorway. “I’ll leave it on your desk,”

“Thank you, Sasori,” Konan said, craning her neck to see the puppet master. “It means a lot to me,”

Sasori waved a hand before leaving the room.

 

Before checking on his partner, Sasori decided to do a quick check on everyone in the base and their statuses. Konan and Nagato had fallen asleep shortly after he had delivered their medicine. Kakuzu was reading in the common area, a box of tissues and a glass of water at his side as he took the herbal mixture Sasori gave him. Hidan had ended up falling asleep half on his bed, half to the floor, suffering through the pain. Kisame and Itachi were in their room, Itachi in a massive pile of blankets on his bed and Kisame sprawled out on his after having taken his dosage, snoring loudly.

“Danna,” Deidara whined, sounding more like a child than an S-class missing nin. “I’m cold, hm,”

“Wrap yourself up,” Sasori said. “I have something for you to take,”

Deidara pulled the blanket he had around him closer, shivering.

“I’m so tired,” he said, blinking owlishly. “I just want to go back to doing my art,”

“Is that why there’s clay spattered all over the room?” Sasori raised an eyebrow. He had assumed that once his partner holed himself in their room that he would have just laid in bed and complained.

“My mouths kept sneezing or coughing it out,” Deidara admitted. Sasori helped him sit up, handing him the mixture along with a glass of water. “Why are you being so nice, hm?”

“Konan asked me to help,” he said, watching his partner chase the herbs with a sip of water.

“This actually feels nice,” Deidara hummed. “Where did you learn it?”

“My grandmother,”

Deidara’s face gave away his intent on asking further, but he was interrupted by a coughing fit. Sasori helped him lie back down, pressing a cool wooden hand to his forehead. He felt like he was being dunked in an ice bath and boiling from the inside out at the same time, and his head and chest ached. It seemed that they all had gotten variations of the same thing, and Deidara suddenly felt bad for Sasori, having to watch over them all since he was unable to get sick.

“Sorry,” Deidara mumbled, enjoying the feeling of Sasori’s hand on his forehead. “I owe you big time for this, hm?”

“You all do,” Sasori deadpanned. “Get some sleep, brat,”

“Night, Danna,” Deidara curled up, feeling the familiar weight of Sasori’s hand move to his shoulder as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

 

Konan woke up twenty hours later, feeling relaxed and refreshed. The ache that had resided in her chest and the persistent cough had gone, and it seemed like Nagato was feeling better as well, his arm wrapped around her tightly as he slept.

The sound of rain hitting the steel roofs of Ame were calming, the warmth of bed and the base making her content.

Slipping out from Nagato’s hold, Konan made her way towards the kitchen. A quick peer into Deidara and Sasori’s room showed the puppet master resting by his partner, the teenager sleeping soundly. Hidan and Kakuzu were absent from their room, as was Kisame.

The three missing were all in the kitchen. Hidan was scribbling something down furiously on a sheet of paper, frowning once he noticed Konan enter the room.

“Morning, angel,” Kakuzu said, turning to hand her a cup of coffee. “You look well,”

Her robe was rumpled from sleeping, and her hair was a mess on the side she had been laying on. She felt too good and relaxed to complain about the offhanded comment, taking the warm cup from the geezer’s hand.

“What’s wrong with him?” she asked, jerking a thumb at Hidan. She was met with his scowl, before he handed her a piece of paper. The scribble confirmed that yes, he had lost his voice, and that Sasori was-

“‘An ignoramus blasphemer’?” Kisame read over her shoulder. “Wow, Hidan. I’m shocked that you know those words,”

Hidan scrambled to grab a knife from the table, tossing it in the direction of the swordsman. Konan shot him a look, the Jashinist sinking back into his seat with a groan.

“It’s a nice change,” Konan said, sighing. “What are you doing?”

“Making tea,”

Konan noted the box of loose tea in Kisame’s hand, the flavor printed on the side in fine script. She remembered it, a gift from the daimyo of the Land of Tea, after Itachi and Kisame prevented a violent guard mutiny there. It was a rare blend, and from the look on Kakuzu’s face, very expensive.

As the tea steeped, he made quick work of slicing up an apple and peeling an orange, arranging the slices onto a small plate.

“I take it he’s still sick?” Konan assumed, watching Kisame nod as he popped an orange slice into his mouth. Sasori came in the room, dodging a swipe from Hidan.

“He’s going to be, for a while,” Sasori said, and if he had a human body, he probably would be sporting dark circles under his blank stare. “His immune system is pretty bad,”

“I’ll trade you,” Kakuzu motioned towards Hidan. “I can put him out of his misery,”

The glare he received from Kisame as he walked out of the kitchen was sinister.

 

“Itachi, wake up,”

Itachi blinked open his eyes, wincing at the sudden pain in his eyes. The room seemed to bright, and the pain in his eyes immediately reminded him of his headache.

His whole body hurt, and just moving his head in the direction of his partner’s voice felt unbearable. He just wanted a nice, hot bath, that he could hopefully pass out in and drown himself so that he didn’t have to deal with the harsh ache in his chest.

The light seemed to dim in their room, and Itachi assumed Kisame shut the curtains to block out whatever light streamed in. He forced himself up and out of the cocoon he had made for himself, his back aching as he sat up.

“I made you some tea,” Kisame handed him the warm cup.

Holding the cup closer to his chest, where it hurt, Itachi gave him a small smile.

“Thank you, Kisame,”

“Feeling any better?”

“Worse, actually,” Itachi sighed, wincing at the pain. “I’m going to have to bother Sasori later, to see if he can check me out once he’s done helping Deidara,”

“The explosion brat is fine,” Kisame rolled his eyes. “He’s faking being sick so that Sasori can take care of him,”

“Did you…” Itachi glanced down at the plate in Kisame’s hand. “Did you make me my favorite tea, and cut those apples into little crows?”

“Maybe,”

 

Pein glanced around the meeting room, doing a quick attendance check. Kakuzu was chatting quietly with Konan off to his side, the two discussing a book. Hidan was trying to balance a pen on his nose, much to the delight of Deidara, who was betting that he would fail. The explosion artist was fumbling with a bit of clay, forming a bird, then reforming it into a little bug. Itachi was sipping at the tea Kisame had given him, the last bit of his cold lingering in his sniffling. Kisame was keeping an eye on Itachi as he attempted to pay attention to the idiot duo. Sasori was back in Hiruko, his gruff voice chiming in when he decided was needed.

It felt good, seeing the whole team back in shape after being so ill.

“Now that we’ve recovered,” he said, silence falling over the room. “Time to get back to work. But first,”

Pein turned to look at Sasori.

“A thanks is in order,” he began. “Sasori, you stepped in and helped all of us recuperate from our illnesses when we could not help ourselves. We are indebted to you,”

“Thank you, Sasori,” Konan said, giving him a hint of a smile.

“Thank you, Danna,” Deidara smiled.

“Fuck off, you faker!” Hidan shouted. “You pretended to be sick so that you could get out of work!”

“Did not, hm!”

“Thank you, Sasori,” Kakuzu said. “Can you think of something that would make this idiot shut up permanently?”

Sasori smirked to himself from within Hiruko.

“Thank you, Sasori,” Itachi said, clearing his throat. “From the both of us. I apologize for not recovering as fast,”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sasori said. “You’re indebted to me, yeah?”

“Of course,”

“Take Deidara for the mission to Suna,” 


End file.
